Fake It Till You Make It: Why This Advice Might Be Holding You Back (and What to Say Instead)
“Fake it till you make it” is some of the most common advice. It’s been around so long that Simon & Garfunkel even sang about faking it in their 1968 song “Fakin’ It.” You've probably heard it right before an interview, before applying for an award, or in the five minutes before you walk on a stage. You might have even said it to yourself today.
When I gave a talk on the Speaking 4 Profit stage, I asked the room to raise their hand if they'd ever gotten bad advice. Pretty much everyone raised their hand. Then I shared this phrase, and everyone nodded. We've all experienced or even given this advice. So in this post, I want to break down the phrase, look at what it really asks of us, and share the reframe I use with myself and my clients instead.
What does "fake it till you make it" mean to me?
"Fake it till you make it" means acting confident or capable before you feel that way, hoping the feeling catches up. The phrase has two parts, faking it and making it, and most of us never stop to define either one. That's where the advice starts to cause problems.
I pride myself on living an intentional life, and to me, that includes looking at what I say and its impact. I learned that lesson early. When I was a little girl, my mom told me, "Words are weapons as soon as they leave your mouth."
That phrase terrified me, and not because I thought I'd throw up knives. It scared me because I realized how easily someone can be misunderstood, and how being misunderstood can kick you out of belonging. So I stopped speaking up. I only spoke when I felt like I had the exact right words.
Words shape how we see ourselves. That's why I think it's worth pulling this phrase apart, piece by piece.
Part one: What are we faking?
When we say "fake it," what are we faking? Is it putting on a persona? Overstating our accomplishments? Lying? We say the phrase all the time, but most of us don't agree on what faking it means.
When I think about faking it, I ask myself a simple question: what about me is fake? When I look at my life and my business, I don't find anything fake. I'm doing my best, personally and professionally.
That's why "fake it till you make it" can be an insidious phrase. If we're faking something, what is it? Our confidence? Our competence? Our right to be in the room? Those are dangerous thoughts, and they keep people from stepping onto stages, speaking up in meetings, and applying for the roles they want.
They also sound a lot like impostor syndrome. A systematic review in the Journal of General Internal Medicine found that impostor syndrome rates in the studies ranged from 9% to 82%, depending on the group and how it was measured. Whatever the exact number, a lot of capable people already believe they're faking it. Telling them to keep faking can deepen that belief.
Heading into an interview and feeling like an imposter? Check out my job interview coaching here.
Part two: When have you "made it"?
The second half of the phrase promises a finish line. Once you make it, you can stop faking it, right? The problem is that the finish line keeps moving.
Here's how that sounds in my head. When have I made it? Oh, when I'm an author. No, wait, I have to be a bestselling author. No, an internationally renowned bestselling author on the New York Times list. What about speaking on the Speaking 4 Profit stage? That's not enough. It has to be a TEDx talk. No, the official TED Talk, and Oprah has to be in the audience.
When we chase results like that, we forget to stop chasing. We never reach the point where we feel like we've made it. And if we never make it, do we ever stop faking it?
That's how the phrase turns into a cycle. It becomes a mask of confidence we put on every day. And masks are hard to wear forever.
Is "fake it till you make it" good advice?
"Fake it till you make it" can give you a quick confidence boost, so if it has truly helped you, keep using it. For many people, though, it gets in the way of long-term confidence, because it keeps you focused on what you lack instead of what you've already done.
To test it, I like to borrow the THINK poster many of us saw on an elementary school wall. Before you speak, ask: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
So, is "fake it till you make it" true for you? Has it helped you make moves? If it has, that's awesome. But for a lot of the people I work with, the honest answer is no. They aren't fake, so the phrase isn't true. And telling yourself you're a fraud every morning isn't very kind.
What I learned from Lucky Girl Syndrome
A few years ago, a trend called Lucky Girl Syndrome took off on TikTok. Don't worry, it isn't contagious unless you want it to be. People documented themselves affirming that they were the luckiest person in the world.
What they found was interesting. When they affirmed their luck, they started noticing the good already in their lives. They counted their blessings and expressed more gratitude. Then they noticed even more good things happening, and they felt a true sense of confidence. A real "I can do this," not just a boost.
So how is Lucky Girl Syndrome different from fake it till you make it? For me, the difference is focus. Are you focusing on what's going well and what you already have? Or are you focusing on scarcity, on lacking the credentials to be in the room?
Underneath focus is belief. One mindset says, "I believe I can do this, even with uncertainty." The other says, "I really hope no one finds out I'm a fraud."
Want help building confidence that lasts longer than five minutes? See how my public speaking coaching works here.
Why "doing confidence" isn't the same as being confident
We say "fake it till you make it" because we want to feel confident, and we want to feel it fast. It's five minutes before you go on stage, so you tell yourself to fake it. It works like a bandage for that moment.
That short-term boost can get in the way of true long-term confidence. I think of it as the difference between doing confidence and being confident. Doing confidence is the mask you put on before a big moment. Being confident comes from evidence you've built over time.
That's how I coach. Even I feel a bit nervous right before I speak, and that's fine, because nerves mean you care. Real confidence comes from knowing you can do it, because you've practiced so many times that you have the evidence. That's why my clients record their practice, so they can see how far they've come instead of guessing.
To move from faking it to being it, stop believing you're fake and start counting the times you've made it.
Words are wands: the reframe I use instead
Remember my mom's advice that words are weapons? I've reframed it into something that passes the THINK test, something true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind:
Words are wands.
I get to choose the magic of my words and what they mean to me. I hope your words can be wands too. You can choose to curse yourself, or you can choose to be very, very lucky.
Here are a few ways to put that into practice before your next big moment:
Swap the phrase. Instead of "fake it till you make it," try "I've prepared for this" or "I belong in this room."
Count what you've already made. Write down three things you've done that prove you can handle this moment.
Collect your own evidence. Record yourself practicing so you can see your progress over time.
Not sure which words you've been using to curse yourself? Book a free consult and let's figure it out together.
Watch My Talk on Fake It Till You Make It
This post comes from a short talk I gave on the Speaking 4 Profit stage called "Is Following Fake It Till You Make It Advice Holding You Back?" I walk through my mom's advice, the moving finish line, the THINK poster, and Lucky Girl Syndrome. Watch my full fake it till you make it talk on YouTube.
About the Author & Public Speaking Coach
Sammie Walker Herrera is a public speaking and confidence coach, certified ADHD coach, and the founder of Speak Y'all. She helps professionals and executives stop telling themselves to "fake it till you make it" and build real, long-term confidence through speaking practice, expert feedback, and accountability. She holds a BA in Psychology and Hispanic Studies from Carnegie Mellon University and an MA in Student Affairs in Higher Education from Slippery Rock University.
As a person who stopped speaking up for fear of being misunderstood, Sammie knows how much words shape what we believe about ourselves. That's why she helps her clients choose words that build them up. Learn more about her public speaking coaching, 25 Days to Confident Public Speaking, and job interview coaching.
FAQs: Fake It Till You Make It
Here are the questions people ask me most about this phrase.
Is fake it till you make it the same as impostor syndrome?
They're not the same, but they're closely related. Impostor syndrome is the feeling that you're a fraud who will be found out. Telling yourself to fake it till you make it can feed that feeling instead of easing it.
How can I feel confident before a presentation without faking it?
Build evidence ahead of time. Practice out loud, record yourself, and look back at how far you've come. Some nerves are normal, and they mean you care.
You Are Not Fake, So You Don't Need to Fake It
You don't need a mask to step onto the stage, into the interview, or into the meeting. You've already made more than you give yourself credit for. Choose words that are true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind, and let them be your wands.
If you're ready to stop telling yourself to fake it till you make it and build lasting confidence, book a free consult with me, and let's talk, y'all.
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